


Seventeen Things I Won’t Tell You, Cityspeaker

by lumosdragon



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:59:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosdragon/pseuds/lumosdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble. "I am not a Cityspeaker, Windblade, but I’m trying to speak to you, I’m trying to make you understand."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seventeen Things I Won’t Tell You, Cityspeaker

1\. I hate the feeling of my wheels on this strange and foreign ground. I feel – contaminated. I feel wrong. I feel people staring, I feel the questions hiding right behind their lips, I want to scream. I lie still in the night listening to the sounds my body makes, just to remind myself of who I am. Because it is so easy to forget that here. I start to see myself as the image in other people’s eyes, and it makes me want to disappear. 

2\. Cybertron is not Caminus. But when I look at the sky…I could almost pretend. I know you pretend. I see you on building tops, and I see you flying. Pretending the skies are your own. You try so hard. I try to pretend, but I can’t. I’m grounded. I can’t – I have to stay grounded, I can’t dream of Camian dawns and sunsets, because the moment I forget we’re on Cybertron is the moment I forget that we’re not safe. The moment I forget that this is not home is the moment that I fail in my duty to you, Cityspeaker.

3\. I cannot fail in my duty to you, Cityspeaker. I cannot fail. I think of failure and my spark turns cold with the deepest and most primordial fear. Have you ever felt fear like this, Cityspeaker? I wonder if you are ever afraid. You say I don’t believe in you. But there is no braver bot than you in the universe. My duty is to protect, and it is a duty born from fierce deep fear. Your duty is to serve, and it is born from fierce deep caring. If you are ever afraid, I can’t imagine that you would let it stop you from helping those you care for.

4\. Cityspeaker – I admire your ability to always, always care.

5\. I wish I could fly.

6\. When I see you bleed, I feel like I’ve been set on fire, I feel like I’ve been turned to ice. I would destroy this city for you, Cityspeaker. My duty is to keep you safe. I would tear down this city, I would set it on fire and turn it to ice, so that no one could make you bleed, so that I could keep you safe.

7\. I miss Caminus because it’s home. Home means the ground feels right under my wheels. Home means I don’t itch at the hundreds of eyes scratching at my body. Home means I know who I am. Home means I know where I am with you, Windblade. On Cybertron, you are Cityspeaker. On Caminus, you are Windblade, Windblade first. Does that make it sound small? Windblade is as enormous as a city, Windblade has all the multitudes of a titan, and I am not a Cityspeaker, Windblade, but I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying to speak to you, I’m trying to make you understand. 

8\. I wish I could see the world you see, Windblade. Not the world inside Metroplex. I wish I could see Cybertron as home. I wish I could see the good in every person I meet. I wish I could be so good.

9\. I could never be so good. Do you see me as selfish, Cityspeaker? I know that that is what I am. I want home, I want Camian ground and I want you, Windblade, I want you to be safe and I want you to be whole and I want you to be the Windblade I have always known. I am selfish, Windblade. I’m afraid that you’ll change for Cybertron – and where will that leave me?

10\. I don’t want to be alone.

11\. Windblade – I miss you.

12\. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend that I’m adrift in the stars, all alone.

13\. Windblade – I miss the way you used to laugh. It’s been so long since I’ve heard you laugh. I miss the way I used to be able to make you laugh. It was easy once. I had a duty to you, but it was private, sacred, a duty I hid deep inside my spark and chest. I wanted to see you happy. 

14\. I throw shields and swords and punches for you, Cityspeaker. I want to laugh with you, Windblade.

15\. When I am with you, Windblade, I am at home. 

16\. I want to go home. I want to hold your hand.

17\. On Cybertron, the skies could be Camian skies. Not because of the colors they bleed with the coming of the dawn. On Cybertron, I see you in the skies, Windblade, and I must stay grounded, I cannot pretend, but as long as you are pretending, you are happy. And as long as you are happy, I can breathe. So I guess we’re both pretending that we’ve gone home.


End file.
